Mantras to deal with tendencies of bad attitude, bad character, and incompetence

There are the things you need to consider when dealing with yourself and other people. To deal with your biases. To deal with your flaws that has tendency to be misunderstood. To improve yourself in communicating well your thoughts and feelings. To build long-lasting bond and relationship, not only with your family, friends, but also people you meet along the phases of your life:

Mantras you can fill in:

  • I feel [or I am] frustrated because of ___ , but I have to ___, thus___ .
  • I feel [or I am] disappointed because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
  • I feel [or I am] mad because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
  • I feel [or I am] humiliated because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
  • I feel [or I am] pressured because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
  • I feel [or I am] annoyed because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
  • I feel [or I am] upset because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .

There are lots more of things to fill in, let me know if you have suggestions.


2020JUL24 – When feeling lost and not feeling any vitality

You may be feeling lost right now and rather than improving you found yourself not having able to do well the things you used to be good at, at least as good as how you remembered the past. However, I suggest that you must not try to get ”yourself” back or recreate those things again, especially when there are lots of things in front of you.

Make also sure to have presence of mind when you are awake, and resolve all the responsibilities that you are committed to do. It may not be as fun as how you had in the past, but having presence of mind (and being attentive) can change how you perceive things.

And if you truly believe that you need to look back, then do it when you are only ready— meaning not to cheat as if you still think the past you is better than the present. Just wandering about the past can reduce mindfulness and it’s basically day-dreaming which is unlike from being attentive where you’ll be able to clearly see how to do next, regardless if you have done it or not before, as our mind actually creates how we can resolve or finish the tasks regardless if it is new or not to us.

Update The pandemic caused me to think how hopeless it would be to thrive thus, triggered me to focused on what I did in the past. I tried to bring it back, but was futile. But the situation was too different, and the plans I made to myself are almost no longer feasible. What I truly suggest is do something new and try to feel these new things. – Dec. 15, 2020

2020APR27 – How you should look forward on things

No matter how bad it gets, always optimistically look forward on each and every single things that would happen on your day or week or months or so. You do not need to explicitly tell that to other people. But at least digest each things that would going to happen as something to looking forward for. This would allow you release and balance the ff. hormones – ‘dopamine’, ‘serotonin’, and ‘oxytocin’ Being in love with life and that feeling of looking forward on things that would happen would be the most healthiest thing you can do to yourself.

Good: Dopamine: alertness, time ; Serotonin: happiness, cues, judgement ; Oxytocin: attachment, sensitivity.

Bad: Estrogen: lust, thus selfish, thus failed to be objective ; Cortisols: stress, overthinking, thus difficult to decide

Update: Apologies for the pseudo-science. It’s been really hard during these days. — Aug. 12, 2020

2019NOV04 – When you think life disfavors you

Such thing as ‘life disfavors you’ only applies when you have no control of what’s happening in your life. Yet, not having control in your life only justify that you can’t decide for yourself. It might be because you are mentally unstable. However if you are aware what makes you unstable, isn’t it the better to be not get involved with it? That’s the most optimistic way to put it, but in reality it can be difficult, to sustain our life or to achieve our ambition even if it means it would cripple us. But again, ask yourself are there different paths? Perhaps, you are thinking that time is too short, that you have to prioritize these ambitions. If so, remember, it is what you chose and you already made commitments. If you think life disfavors you, it only means you are not ready enough when you agreed to commit to it, and/or perhaps you assumed on certain aspect of your decisions or you denied something that should have been considered that makes the situation unfavorable to you.

2019SEP26 – When feeling empty in midst of control

By this time you probably have been telling yourself that you have to work hard. That you have to be responsible. That you have to be in control in order to fulfill what you are dreaming of. But then it occurred to you that you are no longer feel alive – not feeling happy nor excited, and then suddenly asked ”what’s the point doing all of these?”

It is not bad to be in control. But what does life means when you don’t feel alive? We, humans, are social beings and in order to feel alive it, we must have a honest, genuine, and kind interaction with people around us. By this way, as soon as you have build relationships, you would feel the warmth, either exciting or perhaps inspiring, and you would experience something unfamiliar yet good and unforgettable.

2019SEP24 – In handling worries

The moment you start worrying, you panic and start thinking about finishing the tasks as soon as possible, regardless whether the output is half-assed or great. It might be productive but not efficient, and might cause unnecessary impediments. The more it piles up, the more you feel unease, and the voices inside your head starts getting noisy. Then, things mixed up. The more you do another thing, it mixes with the other pile of worries. It doesn’t work as a stack but rather, a clutter.

Here’s a piece of advice:

Things already happened. If you feel bad that it has started the wrong way, the most rational way is to act upon it. Your options should neither include to quit nor to recklessly finish it. What you can do is identify the impediments, both those you assume and those actual thing that have happened, and in this way you can form a strategy how you can finish the duty with mistakes reduced or at least, without worsening the situation if it is inevitable.

I know you, even everybody else, wanted things to go perfect and smoothly, but you have to consider that flaw is inevitable. And you would worry that it might affect much of it, but also it might actually not.

Regardless the simplest way to do is to be reminded what really happened, to set your mind not do it again, and to do effort, be it through rehearsing or planning, that would make things smoothly as soon as you working on it again.

2019SEP17 – Expectations on setting the bar high

If you are setting the bar high, expect that people around you has great achievements, and what you need to do is to keep up. If they do not have, biggest rule is not to look down, and instead, bring them to your level, and be patient if you are sensing dishonesty.

But let me tell you the truth:

Everyone has set of expertise and flaws. Even if they have or do not have a great profile, that doesn’t mean they are right nor wrong respectively. You know that language in each individual are not the same. What they know might hide in a form of different words. You just need to ask the right questions that are clear to all involved parties. As your task is to seek the answers that make sense to your questions.

2019SEP12 – When you get scared in failure

You can’t change the possibility. There’s nothing to fear if you are aware that the chances of success is not a 100%.

But even for 1% chance, what would be the best thing you would do in order to achieve that? That at least you’re able to tell and do what you can.

And if there was failure or rejection, despite giving it all, what you had is a valuable information that would help you in your journey.

And another piece of advice, in order to possibly acquire valuable information, you need to be present enough and mindful enough while you are in those moments.