There is a different feeling when a person you don’t look up to disappoints you versus when a person you look up to does. The more you are attached to a person (or group of people), the harder it is to admit that they are wrong. Then you would be having that kind of dilemma, telling yourself, that you need to adjust and that you need to speak with them to fix things. But if things were out of their control yet they chose the things that benefit them rather than the whole, you would of course feel disappointed. And you can’t blame them for choosing themselves. But you can’t also deny that having them close helps you improve. So the question is what will you do? I highly suggest remembering what you dream of. What you have always wanted for yourself. It may be rare to find people like them, but when you prioritize what you feel, everything else will follow. Rather than waste your energy feeling disappointed, take that energy to explore and rebuild (or build) relationships.
There are the things you need to consider when dealing with yourself and other people. To deal with your biases. To deal with your flaws that has tendency to be misunderstood. To improve yourself in communicating well your thoughts and feelings. To build long-lasting bond and relationship, not only with your family, friends, but also people you meet along the phases of your life:
Mantras you can fill in:
- I feel [or I am] frustrated because of ___ , but I have to ___, thus___ .
- I feel [or I am] disappointed because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
- I feel [or I am] mad because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
- I feel [or I am] humiliated because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
- I feel [or I am] pressured because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
- I feel [or I am] annoyed because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
- I feel [or I am] upset because of ___, but I have to ___, thus ___ .
There are lots more of things to fill in, let me know if you have suggestions.
By this time you probably have been telling yourself that you have to work hard. That you have to be responsible. That you have to be in control in order to fulfill what you are dreaming of. But then it occurred to you that you are no longer feel alive – not feeling happy nor excited, and then suddenly asked ”what’s the point doing all of these?”
It is not bad to be in control. But what does life means when you don’t feel alive? We, humans, are social beings and in order to feel alive it, we must have a honest, genuine, and kind interaction with people around us. By this way, as soon as you have build relationships, you would feel the warmth, either exciting or perhaps inspiring, and you would experience something unfamiliar yet good and unforgettable.
The moment you start worrying, you panic and start thinking about finishing the tasks as soon as possible, regardless whether the output is half-assed or great. It might be productive but not efficient, and might cause unnecessary impediments. The more it piles up, the more you feel unease, and the voices inside your head starts getting noisy. Then, things mixed up. The more you do another thing, it mixes with the other pile of worries. It doesn’t work as a stack but rather, a clutter.
Here’s a piece of advice:
Things already happened. If you feel bad that it has started the wrong way, the most rational way is to act upon it. Your options should neither include to quit nor to recklessly finish it. What you can do is identify the impediments, both those you assume and those actual thing that have happened, and in this way you can form a strategy how you can finish the duty with mistakes reduced or at least, without worsening the situation if it is inevitable.
I know you, even everybody else, wanted things to go perfect and smoothly, but you have to consider that flaw is inevitable. And you would worry that it might affect much of it, but also it might actually not.
Regardless the simplest way to do is to be reminded what really happened, to set your mind not do it again, and to do effort, be it through rehearsing or planning, that would make things smoothly as soon as you working on it again.
If you are setting the bar high, expect that people around you has great achievements, and what you need to do is to keep up. If they do not have, biggest rule is not to look down, and instead, bring them to your level, and be patient if you are sensing dishonesty.
But let me tell you the truth:
Everyone has set of expertise and flaws. Even if they have or do not have a great profile, that doesn’t mean they are right nor wrong respectively. You know that language in each individual are not the same. What they know might hide in a form of different words. You just need to ask the right questions that are clear to all involved parties. As your task is to seek the answers that make sense to your questions.
You can’t change the possibility. There’s nothing to fear if you are aware that the chances of success is not a 100%.
But even for 1% chance, what would be the best thing you would do in order to achieve that? That at least you’re able to tell and do what you can.
And if there was failure or rejection, despite giving it all, what you had is a valuable information that would help you in your journey.
And another piece of advice, in order to possibly acquire valuable information, you need to be present enough and mindful enough while you are in those moments.